We are all familiar with the prayer, “Forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors.” Well, it doesn’t work with bill collectors, unfortunately, so if you’re being hounded by these relentless predators through the stinking world of commerce, you’re going to need a plan B. Try a few of these strategies out instead.

1. Know your rights. The Fair Debt Collection Practices Act spells out what debt collectors can and can’t do in pursuit of their filthy lucre. Know when they’ve crossed the line into harassment, and be ready to stand your ground, and perhaps even turn the tables.

2. Tell your coworkers not to hand you phone calls from strange people; alternately, request that the debt collector not contact you at your place of employment.

INTERLUDE:
Avoid avoiding your creditors. Yes, this is the exact opposite of the previous piece of advice, and antithetical to the whole premise of this post. Do what works for you. We now return to our regularly scheduled list.

3. Avoid credit card debt in the first place. It might be too late for that now, but these tips still might come in handy in the future, once you’ve finally dug yourself out of this hole.

4. Fake your own death. How hard can it be? In addition to freeing you from debt, this will also provide the added benefits of getting you out of every other obligation you have. Finally, a chance to start over.

5. Drop off the grid. They can’t bill you if they don’t know you exist.

With some of these strategies and a little luck, you should be well on your way to financial freedom. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see a man about a fake mustache.